Discipline for Teens

As many parents of defiant teens have discovered, "Let's Make A Deal" is a popular game that teens play to manipulate parents. The prize for winning this game: the teenager gets to have his/her choice in important matters. The parent says, “You need to finish your homework before you leave to go to your friend’s house.” The teenager responds, “If you let me go now, I’ll do my homework as soon as I get back. I have to go now!” If the parent persists, the teenager will continue to try to “make a deal” (e.g., “I’ll do half of my homework now… I’ll only be over at my friend’s for ½ hour, and then I’ll come back and finish my homework”). Defiant teens who are trying to make deals with parents are really saying, “I want to feel like I have control over what I’m doing and when I’m doing it.” If the parent interprets that sentiment out loud and points out that they do have control, teens often will comply. For example, the parent can say, “You want to feel l

So you think your teen needs counseling ...but he/she refuses to go. What can you do? Counseling adolescents can be tricky business. Often times, when a therapist receives a call for help to counsel an adolescent, it is from an exasperated mother or father who no longer can tolerate the behavior of their teenager. The adolescent is presented as being “out of control.” There may be concerns of drugs/alcohol, poor school performance, or the influence of the peer group. The adolescent may be described as depressed, anxious, angry – or even suicidal. The parent usually wants the counselor to “talk some sense into their child.” The hope is that the counselor can wag an even bigger finger in front of the adolescent for an effect more profound than that of the parent – or miraculously get the adolescent to open up. But unfortunately, wagging fingers doesn’t work. If the adolescent isn’t talking to her mother or father, then dragging her off to a counselor as an agent of the parent