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Showing posts from 2012

How To Get Children To Do Homework

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How can you get your child to do his or her homework with little or no fuss? Take the advice of the following parents who have "been there and done that"... I find that a routine really helps. Letting them unwind for a while helps too. I know I like to rest or relax between jobs. School is their job, so sticking them with another right away seems like a sure way to agitate them. My kids are in 1st and 4th grade, so homework is still relatively easy. I stay in the same room and usually do dishes or get dinner ready so if there are any questions, I can answer them. I also look over their homework after they're done and help them work through any mistakes until I believe they understand the material. YOU are their primary teacher. You are the one responsible for them when they leave school. Passing it off on the teacher is shirking your responsibility to your kids and just being the good guy. Your kid might like you better, but you're not doing them any favors in

Discipline for Stubborn Teenagers

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Discipline for stubborn teenagers requires a firmer hand, often with a greater show of love than her obedient, well-behaved sibling. Don’t despair if you have a stubborn teenager with intense opinions and a demanding nature. Although your teenager’s determined attempts to control her own life can frustrate and exhaust you as a parent, there’s hope. You can come to understand your teenager and learn to shape her will without breaking her spirit. Here’s how you can help your stubborn teenager: 1. Always follow through. Understand that your stubborn teenager can take advantage of you if you do not follow through because you are too busy or too tired to stand firm on what you have previously stated. If, for example, you have said that you will not allow your teenager to watch television if she does not cooperate, then you must take this privilege away from her for some time. 2. Avoid power struggles by using routines and rules.  That way, you aren't bossing them around,

Discipline for Smoking Marijuana

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Most moms and dads try to focus adolescent discipline on choosing the right consequences to stop an adolescent from smoking marijuana again. But disciplining adolescents doesn’t address the real reasons behind an adolescent’s pot use. Using mood-altering chemicals often fills a need for theses teens, and they are NOT going to stop just because they got caught and received some form of punishment from parents. So what is a parent to do about teen drug use? Here’s how parents can effectively get their teenagers to “choose” to stop smoking pot: 1. Begin a dialogue with your child about your feelings about marijuana smoking. Ask her questions about why she does it, how long she's been doing it, how many of her friends do it, etc. Let her tell you the story of how the marijuana smoking began and how it fits into her life. This discussion - and the ones that follow - should focus on what's going on that concerns her the most, what worries her, what gives her pleasure, her soc

Discipline for Back-Talk

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It can feel like a real kick to the groin when your youngster speaks to you in a nasty tone of voice. For all you've done for her, it would be nice to get some respect in return! But responding with your own rude comment (though satisfying) isn't the best strategy, no matter your youngster's age. Bite your tongue while you pinpoint what's prompting the sassiness. Ages 3 to 6: You're witnessing the first signs of autonomy. He's figured out that he's different from you — and he's letting you know it. At this age, he doesn't know that those defiant comments aren't so nice (after all, people on TV call each other "stupid" all the time – and maybe those words have also slipped from your lips). Don't overreact, but do let him know that he's hurt your feelings. Keep cool, and then move on. Ages 7 to 11: Now, she's talking back to test your rules and reactions. Instead of stooping to her level, model respect so she learn

Discipline for Sibling Abuse

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Sibling abuse is the physical, emotional or sexual abuse of one sibling by another. The physical abuse can range from more mild forms of aggression between siblings (e.g., pushing and shoving) to very violent behavior (e.g., using weapons). Often moms and dads don’t see the abuse for what it is. As a rule, parents and society expect fights and aggression among brothers and sisters. Because of this, parents often don’t see sibling abuse as a problem until serious harm occurs. Besides the direct dangers of sibling abuse, the abuse can cause all kinds of long-term problems on into adulthood. Research shows that violence between siblings is quite common. In fact, it is probably even more common than child abuse (by parents) or spouse abuse. The most violent members of American families are the kids.  Experts estimate that three kids in 100 are dangerously violent toward a brother or sister. One study puts the number of assaults each year to kids by a sibling at about 35 per 100 c

How to Discipline Bipolar Children and Teens

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Discipline is difficult when a youngster has any type of mental or neurological illness. Not only do the old rules not always apply, you have to be flexible about behaviors that are due to your youngster's illness. Because bipolar disorder waxes and wanes, this is particularly hard to do if you want to maintain consistency. If your youngster is a rapid cycler, the challenge of responding properly is even bigger. Here are some important tips for disciplining a child or teenager with bipolar: 1.    Avoid physical fights: Physical punishments (e.g., hitting, spanking, pushing, etc.) really have no place in managing the behavior of a child with bipolar, regardless of age. They simply teach that pain and force are a good way to impose your will on others, and that's not a lesson you want to teach someone who already has problems with impulsivity, limit-setting, and aggression. If you're having a hard time managing your youngster's behavior without getting physical,

Discipline for Bad Grades

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Below are some very effective disciplinary techniques specifically for dealing with your child's poor academic performance. Some of these techniques will work – some won’t. Some of these techniques are incompatible with the others – some work well in combination with the others. Use your good judgment to determine which technique(s) to try: 1. Allow your youngster to suffer the natural consequences of bad grades. He may find that he gets in trouble at school more and is kept for detention without a parent to come and smooth the situation over. Explain that if he wants to make his own choices concerning his education, then he will accept his own consequences, even if that means repeating a grade or not getting into the university of his choice. 2. Be consistent with your discipline so that your adolescent always knows what to expect. Setting down clear rules and responsibilities can ensure your adolescent's cooperation. For example, if you say that any grade below

How to Avoid "Curfew Conflict" with Your Teenager

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It is hard enough that your teenage son or daughter wants to go out all the time, hang out with friends until all hours of the night, and worry you to death. And now you have to consider an appropriate curfew. Setting a curfew for an adolescent is one of those things that must be done carefully and enforced completely from the beginning. Being allowed to socialize with peers is most definitely a privilege, and chances are if moms and dads aren’t remaining aware and informed at all times, their teenager will get into some sort of trouble. Tips for Avoiding Curfew Conflict— 1. Communicate clearly what the agreed upon times are, through written and verbal reinforcements. This means, post it on the refrigerator and reinforce with a verbal reminder (e.g., "I look forward to seeing you around 10:30 tonight"). Also, be careful how hard and fast you make that curfew. Allow for a small buffer (maybe 10 minutes) so that your teenager does not drive faster in order to be hom

25 Mistakes to Avoid When Disciplining Your Teen

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On one hand, the word "mistake" may be too harsh. Every teenager is different, and only you really know if your son or daughter is happy and flourishing. Therefore, who is to say what a parenting mistake is and is not? On the other hand, "mistake" may not be harsh enough. Raising a teenager is the most important job in the world, and if you err as a mother or father, the word "mistake" may not fully convey the seriousness of the situation. Chances are though you're not making any of the 25 mistakes listed below. Maybe you're close on one or two, but nothing to really worry yourself about. So use this list as a reminder of what not to do as a parent. However, if you realize you're making many of these mistakes, it's probably time to sit down with your husband or wife and reevaluate your roles as mom and dad. Remember, it's never too late to change. 25 Mistakes to Avoid When Disciplining Your Teen— 1. Accepting any beh

Structuring Appropriate "Logical" Consequences

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"How do I know if I'm being too strict - or too lenient - with my rebellious teenage daughter?" The purpose of disciplining irresponsible behavior is to teach teens about the real world. There are basically two ways to discipline: naturally and logically. Natural consequences occur as a natural result of behavior and choices without parental intervention (e.g., the teen parks he car in a ‘no parking’ zone – she gets a ticket and has to pay it with her allowance money). However, there are times when allowing natural consequences to occur is much too dangerous (e.g., the teen experiments with drugs – she gets addicted). When natural consequences are too dangerous, it’s time to create logical consequences. In general, these involve some loss of privileges as a result of inappropriate behavior. Here’s how to structure appropriate logical consequences: 1. The consequence should be delivered assertively. “It’s almost midnight! Where the hell have you been? You k