Discipline for Teens

"How do I know if I'm being too strict - or too lenient - with my rebellious teenage daughter?" The purpose of disciplining irresponsible behavior is to teach teens about the real world. There are basically two ways to discipline: naturally and logically. Natural consequences occur as a natural result of behavior and choices without parental intervention (e.g., the teen parks he car in a ‘no parking’ zone – she gets a ticket and has to pay it with her allowance money). However, there are times when allowing natural consequences to occur is much too dangerous (e.g., the teen experiments with drugs – she gets addicted). When natural consequences are too dangerous, it’s time to create logical consequences. In general, these involve some loss of privileges as a result of inappropriate behavior. Here’s how to structure appropriate logical consequences: 1. The consequence should be delivered assertively. “It’s almost midnight! Where the hell have you been? You k

As many parents of defiant teens have discovered, "Let's Make A Deal" is a popular game that teens play to manipulate parents. The prize for winning this game: the teenager gets to have his/her choice in important matters. The parent says, “You need to finish your homework before you leave to go to your friend’s house.” The teenager responds, “If you let me go now, I’ll do my homework as soon as I get back. I have to go now!” If the parent persists, the teenager will continue to try to “make a deal” (e.g., “I’ll do half of my homework now… I’ll only be over at my friend’s for ½ hour, and then I’ll come back and finish my homework”). Defiant teens who are trying to make deals with parents are really saying, “I want to feel like I have control over what I’m doing and when I’m doing it.” If the parent interprets that sentiment out loud and points out that they do have control, teens often will comply. For example, the parent can say, “You want to feel l